Our potato masher has finally died.
I got it from my grandmother. It has probably be handed down from generation to generation since the dawn of time when a Neanderthal chipped it out of raw iron because they were tired of boiled spuds. Generations upon generations of chefs have passed this relic down.
And I have broken it. No doubt the entire family will soon condemn me for destroying a historic artefact they have been abusing for generations.
However, this means a new potato masher is in order. Of course I can trust Beloved of the shiny things to answer this need right?
Oh gods no, what kind of fool do you think I am? Beloved cannot buy kitchen utensils. Or, no, he can – but he will buy an automatic sushi roller with attachment for julienning aubergines. So I demanded an instrument exactly like the one we had – something that had successfully mashed potatoes for the last 8,000 years, damn it.
And he actually behaved! *Gasp* except it’s in rather flimsy plastic. Ok, everything seems to be flimsy plastic now, but there seems to be a problem.
Sparky: *brings masher on spuds*
Spuds: Uh… that’s not really working
Sparky: *tries again*
Masher: *bends more*
Sparky: It’s all floppy…
Spuds: Uh… you can try again in 5 minutes
Sparky: This has never happened to me before…
Spuds: It can happen to any masher…
So, having taken Beloved to task for getting us an impotent masher, he tried again and bought something that looks like this but bigger
Hmmm it looks… stylish. Which tells me it’s probably useless. And lo I was right
Spuds: *looks at the bar of metal to its left* *looks to the bar of metal to its right* Missed?
Sparky: *mash mash mash*
Spud: Look, those bars aren’t very close together, half of me is just sliding between them.
Sparky *FRENZIED MASHING*
Spud: Still lumpy
Sparky: *MASH MASH MASH MASH*
Spud: Here’s a lump, there’s a lump and another little lump, fuzzy lump, funny lump, lump, lump, duck.
So. 2 tries and Beloved has failed to buy a masher that actually mashes. He is now going to find a potato masher that plugs in and buzzes and makes tea at the same time.
And I am going to use a fork.