Thank you. So many of my clients won’t tell me anything. So many of them you need to drag every damn word out of them. It can be more than a little exasperating when your client has a double handful of secrets – especially if he’s not good enough at hiding them to truly keep them secret o they get revealed, say, a day before going to court (which is annoying, it is). There is nothing worse than, hypothetically speaking, walking into a divorce hearing assuming your client is near poverty only to be informed of the Rolls Royce, Swiss Bank account and holiday homes on 3 sun drenched beaches as you start your arguments. Yes, very annoying indeed.
So thank you for being a refreshing change. Indeed I know every scrap of your home life, including your daily routine in painful detail. I know everything possible there is to know of your family life, including more information about your parents than I know about my own. I know about your finances, in fact I think I know how every little penny was earned. In fact, I think I know the history of every penny that has passed through your hands since the very first time you picked up a coin.
I have spent an age listening to childhood anecdotes, each one apparently telling me how impressive and awesome you are. I have heard in painful detail about your holiday in Egypt and how your actions there apparently make you impressive and awesome. I have heard about your awesome and impressive business trips to Dubai in which you did awesome and impressive things. In fact I have spent more time than I care to remember listening to your awesome and impressive stories of awesome impressiveness.
I fail to be either awed or impressed. By all that is holy never have I had such trouble trying to make someone stay on topic.
I begin to see why there is a series of notes on the file that seem to be random sketches, poorly written poetry and please to various deities begging for him to shut up. Oh and a memo offering first born children if they can pass this file on to someone else.
Hey, I am owed a first born child here!
Ugh I’ve now had the better part of the day eaten by this man, still have a backlog that is truly terrifying, it’s now nearly 11:00 and I’m still up to my eyeballs. I do so hate being reliable in a crisis.