I would say review, but, really, there's not much to review. After a great recovery last episode this one dived back down to the depths, it actually made the first episode look good.
It was pretty sad making from start to finish – it reminded me of all those gimmick episodes when Pirates of the Caribbean came out – you know, every show had to some how squeeze in pirates somewhere.
It didn't advance the meta-plot at all. And the Doctor actually felt out of character (since when is Earth “our planet” Doctor?) flailing around with random guesses like someone on a game show
And the whole damn concept of the show was ridiculous!
Let me add a spoiler warning in here - though, frankly, there's not a lot to spoil
An automated sick bay that decides it's necessary to kidnap and COMATOSE people because they have a scratch? I don't know maybe it's a species that's made up of desperate fragility and the slightest wound is fatal?
And becomes a bright red, scary menacing monster if it has to sterilise something. Maybe the NHS should adopt that, activate Axe Murderer mode – “PLEASE WASH YOUR HANDS! RAWWWWR!”
Or how about an automated doctor that is advanced enough (possibly with Tardis help) to understand what they're saying sufficiently to produce and accept consent forms – yet it has ZERO method of communication beyond “pretty song” or “red face of menacing death”.
(And Doctor – show her your ring? Really? A wedding ring is recognised throughout time and space? Because it's not even recognised on all of Earth. And that's all proof this doc needs for guardianship – a ring?)
All that technology, yet they remove a tissue sample and they still can't figure out that “oh it's a minor cut that will heal itself”? In fact, despite taking numerous tissue samples this state of the art oh-so-special med bay just didn't have a clue what to do with humans?
And for that matter, all that technology but their solution for “sterilisation” is to throw FIREBALLS at it? Let's hope they have a different method for sterilising surgical tools. NHS, please do not adopt this technique. Matrons with flamethrowers sounds awesome but is probably a bad idea
Oh and the Tardis, with all its rooms and vastness, it's swimming pool and wardrobe and everything else – doesn't have a med bay? The Doctor with all his intelligence, the Tardis with all its shinies, doesn't have anything better than mouth-to-mouth to resuscitate someone?
I know poking holes in Who is generally a bad idea, and there have been some serious plot holes in the past (Tennant and the flesh with all the diseases in history and the contagious intravenous cures) but this episode was start to finish pointless plot hole and not nearly fun enough to suspend disbelief that far. Who is supposed to be awesome enough that you don't poke the gaps too much – this lacked the awesome.
Oh and Pond grabbed a sword and, yeah, the pirates are afraid of the slightest cut, but she's still parrying and fencing a good-un. Where'd she learn that? Does "strip-o-gram" school come with fencing lessons now?
As for the rest... what rest? The dialogue (especially the kid's) was comic – but not comic enough (c'mon you could have really played it up lots of pirate cliches and can't I at least get a “matey” or an “aaaar” there?) suggesting instead that it was unintentionally comic. The whole “I turned to a pirate through greed” could have been angst-tastic and developed – but wasn't. Instead it was all "you became a pirate through greeeeeed!" no shit, sherlock. Pirates are motivated by gold, who'd've thought it?! And here was me thinking they were in it for the wardrobe and sea-shanties
All in all? Not impressed