Thursday, 19 May 2011

Sex between men!

*ahem* this post isn't going to be nearly as interesting as the title suggests :P

So Ted Nugent is repulsed by gay sex But he loves us and isn't homophobic and has gay friends! (gay friends excuse, really?) but he thinks man on man sex is unnatural and icky.

I often wonder when people say things like sex involving 2 men is icky. What is it that's icky? Are they going straight to anal sex? In which case, does he find man-woman anal sex or woman-woman anal sex or woman-man anal sex icky?

Or for that matter what about oral sex? There are an immense number of gay men out there who don't have anal sex. Does he find a penis in someone's mouth icky – anyone's mouth man or woman?

I doubt it. I doubt it in both cases. Because we've seen it before – gods, a brief glance at the porn industry will tell you neither anal sex nor oral sex send straight men running covering their eyes and whimpering “it's just too awful!” – it's men having sex that is inherently icky – because it's 2 men.

I just don't get the idea of sex just because of the gender of the participants being automatically “icky” I don't get it at all. Take woman- woman sex. Now, as a gay man, watching two women have sex doesn't push a single sexy button for me. In fact, my buttons are in the opposite room, getting dusty. For that matter, watching a man and a woman together doesn't really push any buttons. Oh if he's hot it may brush against a few buttons – but really, it's not for me, it's not me and they're both a kind of sex that my libido is completely uninterested in.

However, despite not a single sexual nerve being pinged, not a single sexual instinct being buzzed – I don't think it's icky. I may get bored watching but I'm not going to get nauseous or *gasp* repulsed. It's sex – it's a kind of sex that doesn't really appeal to me, but it's hardly disgusting. And I can't imagine being disgusted and repulsed by sex just because the gender of the participants doesn't match your sexual orientation.

Now Ted Nugent is a homophobe. He's just a bigoted arsehole through and through.

But this isn't unique to him. This whole “man-man sex, EWWWWWW!” is pervasive in society. Of course this is a classic in homophobic trope that is stuck in our society (and I don't think it's heterosexist – this is pure homophobia) that a straight man must do backflips to make it clear that ZOMG I AM NOT GAY! Because the very idea, the slightest suggestion, that you may be gay is so shameful and horrifying. And it has very much reached a degree that in order for a straight man to establish his “straight credentials” (actual quote used in an Irish court lately to excuse a straight man assaulting a gay man, I kid you not) he has to express his utter revulsion and hatred of gay men, And this is a Problem. I'm not even going to say why it's a problem – it's obviously and horrifyingly a problem.

But y'know what, Ted Nugent, I don't care what you think about any kind of sex. In fact, while man-woman sex doesn't nauseate me, I've a feeling Ted Nugent sex with just about anyone or anything is not something I want to see. But my opinion on whether Ted Nugent should get all hot and sweaty or not is irrelevant. I don't get a say, my opinion is irrelevant. Voicing my opinion would not only be irrelevant – but also out of line. Similarly, Ted Nugent's opinion on 2 men having sex is not only irrelevant but so totally not his business.

So, I have to ask, why does ANY straight person feel they have even the slightest right to express their opinions over GBLT people having sex? Since when is that any straight person's business? Where do straight people get off talking about our sex lives like this? Why do straight people think their opinion is even remotely relevant? Why does ANYONE think their opinion on 2 people having consensual sex is remotely their business?

So, really, if you have an opinion on 2 men having sex or 2 women having sex? Save it. Thinking we're nauseating is homophobic and offensive. Expressing an opinion on something that is so completely and utterly not your business is insulting and contemptible. All you do is establish your credentials – as a homophobe.

(On terminology – I use man-man sex and woman-woman sex and man-woman sex for 2 reasons.
1)because not everyone taking part in these are gay so gay sex isn't accurate; and
2)we tend to think of “sex” and “gay sex”. We don't normally have to specify “straight sex” we just say sex and straightness is assumed. And that bugs me – man-woman sex isn't “normal” sex and man-man/woman-woman sex isn't different sex that needs a qualifier. It's sex. Neither is more purely sex or truly sex.