Do you ever feel like you're speaking another language even when you're both clearly speaking English?
Beloved: *flicking through satellite channels while I try to read* We're missing channels! *gasp*
Sparky: *looks up thinking sky has screwed up* which ones?
Beloved: All the sports channels.
Sparky: The only sport you watched was football and you've resolved to boycott all things Fifa since the World Cup decision, right?
Sparky: So neither of us actually WATCH sport, right? I mean you actually rang up and cancelled the sports package because of this
Sparky: Sooooo... the problem is?
Beloved: I can't get these channels!
Sparky: But... you wouldn't watch those channels? Do you want to watch sports? Do you have a new hobby? Are you unboycotting?
Beloved: No, I'm not going near football again.
Sparky: So what's the problem?
Beloved: What do you mean? I can't get all the channels! That's the problem.
Sparky: You cancelled them! You don't want them! If you had them you'd skip past them!
Beloved: But we don't have them!
Sparky: WE DON'T WANT THEM. Why would you subscribe to channels you won't watch?!
Beloved: Because we don't have them!
Sparky: See? This is why you aren't allowed to buy anything, ever.