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Wednesday, 27 July 2011

I think i have too many eccentric people around me

Ok, so you know someone. They're not actually a friend, they're a friend of a friend. An acquaintance. And you don't really like them all that much – not that you hate them! Oh no, but you just find them well, dull. You don't have much in common or they have a disturbing fascination with hummus or Latvian clog dancing or that new thing you really must try that you have no intention of doing so. But you often end up attending the same social things and have spent so much time together that it kinda sorta looks like friendship from a distance.

So, you're out and about and you look further along the road and see THEM. And you simply have to talk to them, at least to say hello, right? I mean you're almost-kinda-sorta-friends and AKSFs must acknowledge each other, right? Buuuut you really don't waaant to... so you get this


Sparky and F walking along to buy lunch because F needs Sparky to validate her latest whacky scheme – I mean, she wishes to ask my opinion on something.

Sparky: Oh... isn't that R down there?
F: Ooooh no, it is!
Sparky: quick, maybe we can duck in there
F: no no no, she might come in then we'll be cornered and have to talk about macrobiotic bloody yoghurt
Sparky: I don't think macrobiotic is even a word, y'know.
F: whatever, I am not talking about my “holistic” lifestyle. I'll swear she made it up. Let's cross over and pretend we don't see her

*does do*

Sparky: NO! She's crossing over too!
F: Damn it, she's looking right at us!
Sparky: Wait, no she's turned back, she can't have seen us.
F: She must have!
Sparky: She's walking away, not even turning her head.
F: Oh my god, she's ignoring us! She's pretending she doesn't see us! I don't believe it!
Sparky: great!
F: I was at J's with her just last week! And T's! And she's just going to ignore me?!
Sparky: Wait wait... this is a bad thing?
F: That snotty *word I am not repeating* doesn't even say 'hello'!
Sparky: But we were avoiding her! We did it first! We didn't want her to say 'hello'!
F: That's not the point. I'm going to say hi *starts to hurry after her*


*fastforward*

Sparky: I had to spend my lunch, one of the few times I have lunch out of the office, talking about vitamins, bacteria and whole body synergy – gods alone know what that is.
F: I know, she's sooo boring. I was completely cornered by her at J's last week.
Sparky: You know Beloved is digging over the garden a lot. I could totally hide your body in the compost.