Tuesday, 10 January 2012

Food and parties!

This is my desperate attempt to stop whining which seems to have been my constant occupation since 2012 began. Even now I've only just got in from work, I'm tired and manky, haven't eaten since this morning but even the thought of precious coffee turns my stomach. Yes, whining again!

So time to fight back by recounting some good events of food and partying over the holiday. See, as one of the skilled cooks of the family, many of the gatherings expected me to bring food. And I did and my food was awesome. And yes, great aunts, my fruit cake was the best, admit it, admit it. Yeah, there's a reason why it was all eaten - and no I know you didn't see anyone eating it, that's because they hid it from you but the cleared plate speaks volumes. I will now victory dance

Also my uncle with the small holding showed me how to make utterly disgusting but so tasty piggy things since no-one else will help him with the up-to-the-elbows-in-offal-thing. Pfft, I have no illusions where my food comes from.

And, of course, Beloved wanted me to cook for a large circle of people. But wouldn't tell me/forgot exactly WHO (he maintains that he wanted to surprise me, I maintain he forgot the list) and he hadn't asked any dietary questions which lead to:

Sparky: So any dietary restrictions?
Beloved: Its the holidays, no-one's on a diet
Sparky: Y'know, I should get points for not making a blond joke there. Is there anything people can't eat?
Beloved: Metal? Wood? The furniture
Sparky: Shame, they could gnaw on the hideous stuff
Beloved: I still like that table.
Sparky: Which is proof of its hideousness, o tasteless one. But no, what I mean is - any vegetarians? Kosher? Allergies?
Beloved:  Umm... I'm not sure.
Sparky: Uh-huh. Vegetarian, vegan, kosher, halal, hindu, gluten intolerant, lactose intolerant, nut allergy - any of this ringing any bells?
Beloved: Can't you just make everything ok for everyone?
Sparky: For EVERY possible allergy or food restriction? Yes. You will get a slab of unflavoured tofu and a spoon. And you will enjoy it.
Beloved: But but but...
Sparky: go find out
Beloved: *whinnnne*

Gah, so no, I didn't serve up unflavoured tofu, but I did end up producing many platters with little signs next to them saying . This did cause F to play a game of hunt the vegan because she didn';t thiknk i knew any vegans and thought I should share. There were no vegans. But then she was already collapsed laughing sicne she thought the kosher platters were for her, despite her creating a recipe for Passover Gammon. (I think she did it to annoy her mother).

There was no goji juice served. Tofu did get served - it was fried and flavoured and yummy