Saturday, 18 February 2012

I need clearer notes it seems.

So I had to work late today. But I started late so I had an idea. Anticipating this, I already had dinner prepared before I left – I actually had a productive morning and left Beloved detailed notes on what he had to do to ensure we had dinner. Simples, right? (and yes, I did just pick sides in the Meercat vs Opera Guy war).

So I thought.

Then I started getting texts:

Beloved: So, I’ve taken the pot off the hob, now what do I do with it.

Sparky: WHY did you take it off the hob? Put it back, top up the water and let it steam on a low heat. Did you get my note?

Beloved: I Put it back. Yes I have your BOOK. Your note has chapters. And an Index. And a Glossary.

Sparky: good, you have your instructions, follow them

20 minutes later…

Beloved: So, when do I take it off the hob? You forgot to say. It’s been on for hooooours.

Sparky: It doesn’t say because you don’t. Just top up the water if it’s boiling dry. It’s a steak & kidney pudding, it’s meant to cook for hours. Peel some spuds instead.

30 mins later…

Beloved: Where’s the sage? What oven temp for bread in airing cupboard? Putting treacle sponge in microwave- how long for? Note doesn’t say.

Sparky: Put teacakes BACK in airing cupboard, leave sponge alone. You don’t need sage – why would you want sage? If note doesn’t say DO NOT DO!

10 mins later…..

Beloved: How much boiling water should I add to this custard?

Sparky: wait, what? NONE, it’s home made custard not powder! Why are you even messing with the custard? Leave the custard alone. Is custard in the note? No? Then LEAVE IT ALONE

5 mins later…

Beloved: I’ve chopped the leeks, can I microwave them or should I get a saucepan out? Note doesn’t say.

Sparky: Leeks? We have leeks? Since when did we have leeks? Did the note MENTION leeks? No, it did not, so why do we now have leeks?

Beloved: Winter leeks in the garden. I picked them and chopped them, now what?

Sparky: Did you wash them?

Beloved: No. The note didn’t say to wash any leeks… not my fault.

Sparky: It didn’t say to pick them either! Put them in a bowl of ice water with a tiny squeeze of lemon juice TINY SQUEEZE! NOT A BOTTLE! NOT A SLUG! NOT A CUP FULL. Then SIT ON YOUR HANDS and do NOTHING unless the note tells you to.

15 mins later

Beloved: The cat’s just been sick on your computer chair

Sparky: Ugh, clean it up then.

Beloved: Sorry, the note doesn’t say to. No can do…

Beloved: *does not answer phone when called*