So I had to work late today. But I started late so I had an idea. Anticipating this, I already had dinner prepared before I left – I actually had a productive morning and left Beloved detailed notes on what he had to do to ensure we had dinner. Simples, right? (and yes, I did just pick sides in the Meercat vs Opera Guy war).
So I thought.
Then I started getting texts:
Beloved: So, I’ve taken the pot off the hob, now what do I do with it.
Sparky: WHY did you take it off the hob? Put it back, top up the water and let it steam on a low heat. Did you get my note?
Beloved: I Put it back. Yes I have your BOOK. Your note has chapters. And an Index. And a Glossary.
Sparky: good, you have your instructions, follow them
20 minutes later…
Beloved: So, when do I take it off the hob? You forgot to say. It’s been on for hooooours.
Sparky: It doesn’t say because you don’t. Just top up the water if it’s boiling dry. It’s a steak & kidney pudding, it’s meant to cook for hours. Peel some spuds instead.
30 mins later…
Beloved: Where’s the sage? What oven temp for bread in airing cupboard? Putting treacle sponge in microwave- how long for? Note doesn’t say.
Sparky: Put teacakes BACK in airing cupboard, leave sponge alone. You don’t need sage – why would you want sage? If note doesn’t say DO NOT DO!
10 mins later…..
Beloved: How much boiling water should I add to this custard?
Sparky: wait, what? NONE, it’s home made custard not powder! Why are you even messing with the custard? Leave the custard alone. Is custard in the note? No? Then LEAVE IT ALONE
5 mins later…
Beloved: I’ve chopped the leeks, can I microwave them or should I get a saucepan out? Note doesn’t say.
Sparky: Leeks? We have leeks? Since when did we have leeks? Did the note MENTION leeks? No, it did not, so why do we now have leeks?
Beloved: Winter leeks in the garden. I picked them and chopped them, now what?
Sparky: Did you wash them?
Beloved: No. The note didn’t say to wash any leeks… not my fault.
Sparky: It didn’t say to pick them either! Put them in a bowl of ice water with a tiny squeeze of lemon juice TINY SQUEEZE! NOT A BOTTLE! NOT A SLUG! NOT A CUP FULL. Then SIT ON YOUR HANDS and do NOTHING unless the note tells you to.
15 mins later
Beloved: The cat’s just been sick on your computer chair
Sparky: Ugh, clean it up then.
Beloved: Sorry, the note doesn’t say to. No can do…
Beloved: *does not answer phone when called*