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Wednesday, 28 November 2012

So I got a phone call



 Beloved:  *unbelievably cheerful* Sparky!   Hurry home, I miss you!

Sparky: *suspicious look at phone* what did you do?

Beloved: What? Can’t I just…

Sparky: No. What did you do?

Beloved: Look, before you get mad…

Sparky: I’m saving time, I’m already mad.

Beloved: But listen, listen, listen, because this is actually good I promise, listen…

Sparky: I’m listening. Do elaborate on this “actually good” thing.

Beloved: Well, there was a huge screw up at my friend X’s work (who works in the meat industry doing… meat industry type things) and he’s got all these chickens going really cheap. So I got some off him.

Sparky: That’s not bad…

Beloved: See! I mean, you said we could always use chickens so I said yes and loaded up.

Sparky: Wait wait, I said we could always use chicken. Did you just say chickenS?

Beloved: yes, same difference.

Sparky: Whole chickens? As entire full chickens? You’ve just bought a load of full frozen chickens?

Beloved: They’re not frozen.

Sparky: …ok… how many fresh chickens did you buy?

Beloved: Errr… not fresh exactly. More… defrosted. They were frozen and now they’re not. Shall I put them in the freezer?

Sparky: NO! You can’t refreeze defrosted raw meat! How many are there?

Beloved: I though you couldn’t, that’s why they’re on the kitchen units. You won’t believe how cheap…

Sparky: How many are there?

Beloved: You always said chicken’s so versatile. You can eat it every day for a month and…

Sparky: How. Many. Are. There?

Beloved: It’s not that bad.

Sparky: More than 2? More than 5? More than 10? More than 50? More than 100?

Beloved: Don’t be silly, of course there’s not more than 50.

Sparky: …you wouldn’t consider more than 10 to be silly?

Beloved: 10 is not that silly…

Sparky: Am I looking at a number between 10 and 50 chickens? Defrosted chickens? Are you telling me this? Really?

Beloved: Noooooo… don’t be silly! Of course not! Of course there’s less than 10!

Sparky: ok… so, how many.

Beloved: Only 8. *sigh of relief*

Sparky:…Eight whole chickens I can’t freeze?

Beloved: Yes. Fifty! You don’t have a lot of faith in me!

Sparky: Eight?!

Beloved: yes, only eight. See you soon! *hangs up*

Sparky: Wait! *dial tone*

Well at least it isn’t 50.

Looks like I need to cook a few dozen chicken recipes and freeze them. Why why why does he buy food? Why?!