Beloved: *unbelievably cheerful* Sparky! Hurry home, I miss you!
Sparky: *suspicious look at phone* what did you do?
Beloved: What? Can’t I just…
Sparky: No. What did you do?
Beloved: Look, before you get mad…
Sparky: I’m saving time, I’m already mad.
Beloved: But listen, listen, listen, because this is actually good I promise, listen…
Sparky: I’m listening. Do elaborate on this “actually good” thing.
Beloved: Well, there was a huge screw up at my friend X’s work (who works in the meat industry doing… meat industry type things) and he’s got all these chickens going really cheap. So I got some off him.
Sparky: That’s not bad…
Beloved: See! I mean, you said we could always use chickens so I said yes and loaded up.
Sparky: Wait wait, I said we could always use chicken. Did you just say chickenS?
Beloved: yes, same difference.
Sparky: Whole chickens? As entire full chickens? You’ve just bought a load of full frozen chickens?
Beloved: They’re not frozen.
Sparky: …ok… how many fresh chickens did you buy?
Beloved: Errr… not fresh exactly. More… defrosted. They were frozen and now they’re not. Shall I put them in the freezer?
Sparky: NO! You can’t refreeze defrosted raw meat! How many are there?
Beloved: I though you couldn’t, that’s why they’re on the kitchen units. You won’t believe how cheap…
Sparky: How many are there?
Beloved: You always said chicken’s so versatile. You can eat it every day for a month and…
Sparky: How. Many. Are. There?
Beloved: It’s not that bad.
Sparky: More than 2? More than 5? More than 10? More than 50? More than 100?
Beloved: Don’t be silly, of course there’s not more than 50.
Sparky: …you wouldn’t consider more than 10 to be silly?
Beloved: 10 is not that silly…
Sparky: Am I looking at a number between 10 and 50 chickens? Defrosted chickens? Are you telling me this? Really?
Beloved: Noooooo… don’t be silly! Of course not! Of course there’s less than 10!
Sparky: ok… so, how many.
Beloved: Only 8. *sigh of relief*
Sparky:…Eight whole chickens I can’t freeze?
Beloved: Yes. Fifty! You don’t have a lot of faith in me!
Beloved: yes, only eight. See you soon! *hangs up*
Sparky: Wait! *dial tone*
Well at least it isn’t 50.
Looks like I need to cook a few dozen chicken recipes and freeze them. Why why why does he buy food? Why?!